Monday, June 15, 2009

Fails of the Cocktail

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Here in the Liquor Lab we endeavor to do the best we can when making drinks. If we're making a classic, established cocktail, we attempt to do the necessary research so as to have at least a cursory idea of what it is we're doing. Bar guides are perused, online resources are tapped and fellow booze nerds are consulted.

If we're trying our hand at coming up with an original drink, the process is similar, although a lot more trail-and-error is involved. Still, the goal is the same: To make a drink that someone will enjoy...and hopefully want again.

This has been on my mind lately because the annual hooch-centric extravaganza known as Tales of the Cocktail is less than a month away, and I'm looking forward to marinating in a continuous stream of finely-prepared cocktails assembled by a legion of skilled and talented mixologists who bring their considerable powers to bear. These folks take drink-making very seriously, and it's a wonderful experience to be on the receiving end of their abilities.

But what happens when this isn't the case? What if you don't find yourself in the capable hands of a conscientious bartender? What about that moment that occurs between idea and execution when things go terribly, terribly awry?

I think almost everyone who enjoys a cocktail even semi-regularly has had the misfortune of being served a drink so puzzling, so ill-fashioned, so irredeemably wrong, that it sears itself into memory. Attempts to completely block them out inevitably fail, and their resurrection can potentially be triggered by almost any drinking occasion, even years later. These unfortunate mental spectres lie dormant, almost forgotten, but always somehow spring back to the fore.

My own encounter with a very wrong drink occurred several years ago, and went pretty much like this...

At a wedding reception held in a fairly nice country club-type place, I approached what looked to be a reasonably well-appointed bar. The staff was polite, sharply dressed, and was speedily (though not carelessly) dispensing cocktails. To all appearances , this was a crew who knew what they were doing, and I was optimistic.

I was in the mood for a Martini, and I figured its few ingredients and ease of construction would make it a good choice as far as the staff was concerned...I try not to make anyone's life difficult if I can help it. As I stepped to the bar, one of the bartenders slid over and I was glad to see he had a head of fully gray hair. He was well into his fifties at least, and I thought to myself, "If anyone here knows how to make a Martini, it's this guy."

He gruffly asked what I'd like, and my response was, "Could I get a Martini?"

Now, there are times in one's life when you say something and immediately realize you never should have said what just emerged from your mouth. These are the times when you wish life had a rewind button. This was one of those times. Whatever instinct that signaled me I should never have asked for a Martini from this particular gentleman at this particular event came about 3 seconds late.

His expression immediately turned sour, and with a grunt, he rummaged below the bar and produced a bottle of gin.* Next, he swiftly placed a clear plastic cup that resembled a miniature double-old-fashioned glass on the bar and shoveled three small, dripping ice cubes into it. The final step was to haphazardly slosh an indeterminate amount of gin into the cup. He then pushed the drink my way and briskly spun off without a word to attend to someone else. The entire transaction took approximately 8 seconds.

I won't even attempt to itemize the myriad ways in which this drink was wrong. Like many drinks, the Martini is subject to a degree of personal interpretation, but there are some ground rules nonetheless. (and if you read this blog, I'm confident you know what they are). This drink violated a bunch of them.

Like a dope, I actually took a couple sips. I don't know what I was expecting, but a lukewarm plastic cup of gin did not transmogrify into a bracing, refreshing cocktail just because I wished really hard. Maybe some perverse part of me wanted to see just how bad it actually could be. I found out, and relegated it to the nearest trash can.

Let's just say that bad booze +bad preparation + bad customer relations = lousy drink.

This isn't meant to be an indictment of this particular bartender- Who knows why he made such a poor drink? (misleading tips from dubious online bartending videos may be the culprit. Jeffrey Morgenthaler has been unearthing tons of them lately) . If there's a lesson here, I think it's that a bad drink can be just as memorable as a good one. Maybe more so. However, I've had far more good drinks** than bad ones, so I chalk that up as a win overall. But when the opportunity presents itself, I still like to ask people:

What's the worst drink you've ever had?



* I can't recall the specific brand, but it was not good. Really not good.

** Several of these were made during Mixology Monday, which happens to be today...and I completely forgot about it yet again.

62 comments:

Matthew Rowley said...

Friend of mine in New Orleans, as we were discussing this very topic of the worst drinks we've ever had, confessed that he had once been giving a drink (a house specialty?) purchased for him by an older gentleman with amorous intent. He shuddered at the memory, and could not recall the contents, but the name alone still brings horrible shivers to my spine: "Daddy's Milk."

chasarumba said...

The details on this one are sketchy, but the only two words that matter are "Real Lime." It was my 10-year high school reunion and I was already drunk when we closed out the reunion party and trooped into one of the hard livin' bars on the main street of my redneck home town. You know what you order in those bars? You order beer. Or Southern Comfort. Or Wild Turkey. You certainly don't ask for anything that requires limes or you'll get exactly what you deserve.

Jenny Adams said...

For sure, without a doubt it was The Pretty Baby Cocktail at the Columns Hotel in New Orleans. I was writing my cocktail/bar book on the city, and that's the drink there that was made famous by the movie where a 12 year old Brooke Sheilds bares it all and plays a prostitute (ahem, gross) .... I was informed that the drink was disgusting but I felt if we were going to talk about it in the book, i had to have one. It contains milk, grenadine and nutmeg among other things - so you get the idea. In the name of journalistic integrity, I sipped. Freaking disgusting.

DrinkPlanner said...

The worst I can remember was supposed to be a Manhattan. It was made with Southern Comfort, incredibly watered down, had MAYBE a splash of sweet vermouth and no bitters. It was gross. I switched to beer for my next drink.

Tikimama said...

My Craig and I were in a terminally hipster bar here in PDX about 4 years ago, which has a decently stocked bar. I was doing that hem-haw bottle scan dance you do when you're not really sure what you want. The bartender suggested a Sazerac. I was tickled - it wasn't a drink I had seen very often in Portland. I didn't see any rye or Pernod/Herbsaint but I figured, well, he suggested it so he must have them somewhere!

Hmmmm. Jim Beam. Ok, not rye, but I could manage. Oh, is that orange curacao?! Oh dear. When he pulled out the creme de menthe I had to look away. Needless to say, the drink I got was neither a Sazerac no at all tasty.

Kaiser Penguin said...

Every year my college friends gather for a sort of "tournament" where we pit our wits, strength, and creativity against one another to determine an overall victor. During the pirate-themed year, we held (and still do) a cocktail creation competition, which for better or worse, I judge.

Imagine the following cocktail swishing down your throat, wondering why it was so oceanically awful, then finding out why.

2oz dark rum
1oz lemon juice (off to a decent start, yes?)
1oz SEAFOOD CHEESE DIP

...

tastestopping said...

Don't ever let anyone order you (or make you) a Cement Mixer. I have never had one, but witnessed inebriated friends succumbing to their wicked ways. (After all, it is a shot of Baileys followed by a shot of lime juice. Which, if you know a little something about chemistry, causes the Baileys to curdle and expand in your mouth.) Bad times, bad times.

I found you on TasteSpotting and am writing to let you know about my new site. It's for anyone who has had their submissions to Tastespotting (or FoodGawker or PhotoGrazing) rejected. I hope you'll come by and check it out. It's a lot of fun!

Best,
Casey
Editor
www.tastestopping.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...

It was the end of the night, and a grad school party. There were two ingredients left that were combined with great verve and served to me in a jumbo plastic glass. Campari and Diet Coke - the diet coke flat and both ingredients warm. It was the worst drink I've ever tasted, but the night was pretty fun anyway.

jenn. said...

the worst drink i've ever had, EVER, has to be galvatron. I believe it's a mix of patron, whiskey, and vodka, but don't quote me on that.

jehnn said...

In my studenty-type days (I wasn't a student, but had about the budget of one) I used to drink the cheapest vodka to be found at the liquor store. Unfortunately, it was, I think, a Japanese vodka called "Come Back Salmon". I'm not sure whether the name caused some funny neural connection in my brain or if it actually tasted of fish. The worst part is, it was only 10 cents less than the cheapest vaguely Russian sounding vodka.

Annie Laurie said...

I was living in Vermont and having a bad day. So, I stopped by a small-town bar for a dirty vodka martini (Mistake #1). Upon ordering, the bartender just stared blankly at me. A bartender myself, I chose to politely ignore the stare (Mistake #2) and give him some help. I explained the contents and then turned to my friend to continue our conversation (Mistake #3). When the glass was placed in front of me, here is what I had: Vodka on the rocks with a splash of Chambord and a straw...In a margarita glass. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

At the Napoleon House, a cheerful, friendly bartender screwed up a Ramos gin fizz beyond belief. He entirely forgot the sugar, used whole milk rather than cream, and did not shake it nearly enough. It was basically a glass of cold, watery milk and gin, with egg white floating in it.

Good lord.

Laura said...

a mixture of different rattlesnake recipes... i tasted tequila, irish cream, OH... it was horrible. salty, sweet, and sour?? no thank you.

Jeffrey said...

i'm a fan of the Presbyterian, especially if it's made with tonic, but soda water suits me just fine.

went up to the bar one night and ordered a Maker's Pres. the bar was crowded, so i didn't see the bartender making my drink, but when i took my first sip, i wanted to retch - it was sickly sweet and had an acidic tang that just did. not. belong.
he'd made my Pres with Sprite. and i'd ordered a double.

i tried to stick with it, not wanting to waste my money or booze, but i just couldn't do it. i never ordered a Pres from that bar again.

Ben said...

It's wedding season again, and that means a lot of what you posted, ad nauseum. At my latest wedding, I saw a moderate-looking bar, so I went with Gimlet, thinking surely they would have Roses' Lime, at the least. Not my favorite drink, but you have to go with what they give you. To my horror, my Gimlet consisted of 1 1/2 oz vodka, and some indiscriminate amount of mixer from a giant plastic bottle, topped off with 4 or 5 lime segments squeezed over it.

I've also yet to receive any drink "up" at a wedding reception, no matter what I order. I've learned to accept, though not enjoy, my Martini's on the rocks.

nerdling said...

Whooooo man. The Vieux Carre I got from the Carousel Bar at Tales last year was both disgusting and tragic. I haven't been able to have one since because I can still taste the grenadine.

Why was there grenadine in a Vieux Carre, you ask? I have no idea.

Adriane said...

About 2 years ago I had just returned to Ol' New England from Miami where I had drank my weight in refreshing, cold mojitos.

I knew I was taking a risk when I ordered a Mojito in this particular VT restaurant, but I had had their other drinks- martinis and such- and just couldn't resist.

What was brought to the table could only be described as slightly alcoholic dirty dish water. The laundry list? It was in a beer glass...They used the tiniest amount of bottom-shelf alcohol, the rest of the glass being filled with an elixir of flat soda (or was it water?) one paltry sprig of uncrushed mint..topped wth a lime wedge slung over the lip of the glass. NO. nonono.

Japhet Bower said...

Worst real drink ever:

A billiards club had an extensive cocktail list and a colleague of mine ordered a lychee martini which was the first mistake.

The second was entirely the bartender's. It was very watery with a hint of lychee and almost no vodka discernibly present. There was a metallic taste which indicated to me that she'd used the canned syrup but strangely enough, there were no lychees for garnish.

An honorable mention goes to a drink I read about in a novel that featured spiced rum and fish oil.

Bill Drissel said...

The Dutch regularly drink two of the three most awful drinks I've encountered:
* Jenniver (I don't know how spelt)
* Old Jenniver.

The third was a Chinese whiskey I tasted about 30 years ago.

The very thought of these three still turns my stomach after all these years.

Regards,
Bill Drissel

Jac said...

Mine was very similar to DrinkPlanner's... At least it was made with Jack, instead of SoCo (eww!). But still. No bitters, a splash of warm vermouth (she got the bottle out, anyway, so I can only assume there was vermouth in it), and a florescent red cherry instead of the twist I ordered.

Note to self: Never order a Manhattan at Applebee's.

Anonymous said...

I wanted a Screaming Nazi (jager, rumple minze, and goldschlager), but they didn't know what it was an suggested a Dead Nazi instead. To this day, I don't know what it was, but it triggered a reversal of fortune in all 4 people at the table who tried it...

Who we are said...

In my defense I was 24 before I tasted alchol (coconut rum and DR papper), and I am a creative type person.

I was told vodka made things taste more like themselves (IE: orange juice). apparently this does not hold true for chocolate milk.

I have yet to find anyone willing to try a slim jim (slim fast and jim beam)

The worst alchol I have ever had was the mandrin orange twister, it did not taste orangy at all, what it did taste was stale.

andreA said...

I'm not too sure what I drank but I was at a party and there was a water bottle being passed around with some strange mixture in it... We think it was a red wine some vodka and whiskey. lets just say the night ended in the bathroom.

pietra said...

Tokay wine and tonic, ewww.

Tiare said...

The one that comes up in my mind is a lukewarm instant-sweet-sour-mix gin & tonic i was treated to one time when i was out with my work.

Anonymous said...

When I was a fifth-year senior in college, my brother was a sophomore. One night at the bars I ran into him and his friend Charlie, and at the end of the night they, along with my boyfriend-du-jour, repaired to my place, where we made a concoction of pretty much what was there: Dr Pepper, Ouzo, some other liquor (vodka?) and....milk. We named it the 'Muddy Waters.'

And yet we all survived, and live to tell the tale.

~ Lady Callahan

Anonymous said...

How does a chocolate bacon martini sound? Apparently, it's quite popular at the Capitol Club in Seattle.

It's contains bacon vodka, some sort of chocolate liqueur, and a slice of candied bacon, and it's rimmed with bacon bits.

Personally, I thought it tasted like someone substituted salt for sugar in chocolate milk, with a slight hint of meaty flavor.

Margie said...

In the mood for an unconventional martini, I tried a Kiwitini, featured in a food celebrity's cookbook. It involved vodka and vermouth and kiwi blended together with ice. The black crunchy seeds in a thick green boozy puree might be fun on Halloween but not when you're craving something sleek and sippable.

Joost Pronk said...

To Bill Drissel, i'm from the netherlands, the drinks your talking about are called Jenever. Apperently gin has evolved from it. A famous distillery that makes it is Ketel One, but is to you problably more known for it's vodka. To this day it's still a populair drink, but mostly with older people. I don't know anybody who is my age, 26, that drinks it.

Onto the worst drink I ever had. As i already stated, I'm from the netherlands, so if your 16 or older you can drink. This is important for the story but I will get to that later. When I was around 18 years old the parents of two friends of mine would go regulary on vacation, which would mean a byob party at there house. As you can imagine the table would be full of all sorts of alcholic beverages. Some people would bring decent bottles like single malts, others would bring total crap. Some drinks you drink straight up, others you mix. I myself liked to experiment. Having tried over the parties the most conventional mixes, I thought it was time to experiment. Which brings us back to the age thing. When your young your decision making skills are not always to be trusted. There where two bottles that held my interest. One being a store bought Pinacolada, mind you very cheap and one it's own already pretty disgusting, the other was a bottle called Dropshot. Which needs some explaining. Here in the netherlands we eat drop, or beter known in english as liquorice. Dropshot is liquorice flavoured alcoholic beverage. I wondered if when I would combine the two, the resulting drink would turn grey. Short answer to that question, yes it did. A smart person would have stopped there, but I was in a state where reasoning was just a thing that would stand in the way of something that might be the holy grail of drinks. How wrong was I. Only one sip of the drink was enough to make me realise I just made the biggest mistake in my drinking live. Coconut with liquorice just doesn't mix well. But there I was with a longdrink glass full. Luckily for me other people where in an experimenting state of mind as well and the drink was soon passed from person to person. No one wanted to pass up the opportunity to taste it, not even when half of the room quickly reached for other drinks to wash away the foul taste.

Kilyth said...

Absinthe and 7Up. A terrible, terrible idea.

Anonymous said...

Admittedly, this was a conscious attempt to make a horrible drink.

Ever seen those specialty sodas that Jones soda releases occasionally, as a gag gift (I'm assuming)? One of them was a gift pack of thanksgiving sodas, with cranberry, pumpkin pie, brussel sprout, stuffing, and turkey. Needless to say, they were awful, even the cranberry, as there was aspartame in there for some reason.

How could this be more awful? My friend, let's call him Dr. Badplan, decided to make a drink of the Turkey soda, and Wild Turkey.


Essentially, it tasted like a watered down glass of wild turkey that someone spat in after eating a turkey sandwich.

I shudder to this day.

Phil said...

My brother and I hail from the fair city of Cleveland, and in an attempt to mix a cocktail emblematic of our hometown, we created the Flaming Cuyahoga. Mix a half ounce each of blue curacao, kahlua, midori, and clamato in a large shot glass. Float a little bit of 151 on top, and ignite. It's a muddy brownish, greenish red, it smells like fish, and it's on fire. Chase it with a Genesee Cream Ale and punch yourself in the kidney, and you've got the Cleveland experience in under 15 seconds.

Anonymous said...

I want to a party once where the host couldn't find mint for mojitos in the grocery store. So he bought the closest thing to it in appearance he could find: cilantro. In case anyone was wondering, cilantro mojitos smell and taste like salad dressing.

Anonymous said...

Ages ago I went to a bar and ordered a Kalaua & Cream, normally they use 1/2 & 1/2 or heavy cream (yum) but this bar used evaporated milk... I thought it looked odd.. took a sip OMG it was so fricken nasty.
Pam

Claire said...

Phil, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

Worst drink I've had this week: a Margarita made with lime sno-cone syrup.

Heather said...

There was a bar we would go to while living in Italy that would sell the dregs from the bars drink tray...you know, where the bartender mixed the drinks?

Over the course of an evening, anything and everything would go into that thing. Periodically, the tray was emptied into a pitcher which was then sold. It always sold.

Technically not an I-meant-to-do-that kind of cocktail, but its been over a decade since I saw it, and it still makes me shudder.

courtney said...

wow, all of those sound awful and hilarious.
--- Anything called "pomegranate" is NASTY, always sounds great, always tastes like cough syrup... yick

---- In Jr. high my friends decided to raid one of our parents liquor cabinet and make a concoction to bring to the pep rally with us (small town thing, I guess?) In order to remain under the radar, we couldn't use just one liquor, but dumped a slug from each bottle into a huge cup for all of us to share. I don;t remember all of it, but Tia Maria and Midori aren't great together, regardless of how tropical it sounds.

---- The Tangermeister is a popular drink at a 70s themed bar in my town. Yep, Tang mixed with Jaegermeister. It is as vomit inducing as it sounds, I promise.

Anonymous said...

Bhiskey: Natty Light and Black Velvet whiskey mixed in the can for easy.

The Abortion: Prestige Vodka and Tobasco sauce served as a shot.

Tim said...

I've heard of the bar mat emptied into shot glasses at the end of the night and served as "The Jersey Turnpike"

Mohner said...

Running out of mixers produces some odd drinks. But I vividly remember 'Gin and Coke' for being the worst "necessary invention" of any of them.

Amanda :} said...

i was at a bar in manhattan and could not decide what to drink, as usual, so i went with my old standby a rum and coke. how can anyone screw up a rum and coke?.... use spiced rum. when i asked the bartender to make it over because it tasted like malibu or something weird she gave me the same thing! she also gave me an attitude and showed me the bottle (to clarify that it was not malibu) i realized she used spiced rum and called her out on it. she said i didn't "clarify" that i wanted white rum. i'm sorry i didn't feel the need to explain the ingredients of a RUM AND COKE to a BARTENDER... dark rum would have worked also but, if you're not expecting it, a spiced rum and coke is pretty freakin gross!

Dez said...

(here from foodgawker) I love this thread.

My boyfriend and I and some friends were at a local bar seeing a show. My boyfriend (who doesn't drink) had been getting me pretty good mixed drinks all night (my instructions were, "Ask them what they have that's girly"), but...Sand In My Shorts. Looking at a list of ingredients, this should have worked, but the drink was horrifying. It tasted like a freezerburnt grape Popsicle that had been left on someone's undergarments. At a table full of people of eclectic tastes, not a one could finish this monster, and many declined even a second sip.

David said...

Having just finished my first year of university in Montreal, I must say I've had some pretty disgusting drinks, most of them my own creation. The other night, after running out of mixers, we ended up squeezing lemons into a glass with vodka and diluting with tap water. Wonderful. The absolute WORST drink, however, would be either the warm Manhattan my friend made a while ago or my vodka + banana/citrus five alive. The banana definitely ruined it. Oh, and of course there's the liquid cocaine shot. 1/2 jagermeister, 1/2 goldshlager... absolutely disgusting. The list goes on.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I have two for you. Number one: I was trying to bond with my step-dad. He made me a Gin Martini with rail gin, too much vermouth and a flippin' cocktail onion. And I had to drink it, because what else was I gonna do?
Number two: when I was a little kid, on "special occasions" (like spaghetti night - huh?) he would pour a decent amount of red wine into my milk. I thought it was fab at the time, but now the thought of those red curdles just makes me wanna vom.

eaglekeeper99 said...

My worst drink didn't even have a name. It came from an unlabled bottle off of a shelf in a very small bar in a dark alley near Osan airbase in S. Korea. All I can remember was that the bottle was dusty and it had a dead lizard floating in it. Why I drank it I have no idea but after five ammo bowls ( a mixture of Soju and Hawaiin punch ) it seemed like a good idea.

Curtis said...

"Dead Mexican Cow"- 1/3 tabasco, 1/3 milk, 1/3 tequila... in a shot glass

Chris said...

I believe I may have once mentioned the infamous Purple Worms...AKA tequila and grape schnapps shooters. When the bottle emptied, the addition of the worm neither improved nor worsened that drink, which in itself tells you all you need to know.

Who knew there could be a downside to dating a bartender on your birthday?

Zlata said...

First time on here - LOVE this blog!

Am an ABSOLUT girl myself....

Dr. Bamboo said...

Holy Smokes! Who knew so many people had bad drinks...and were willing to share their pain.

Thanks everyone- now I have a much better idea of what NOT to mix together. ;-)

Kimberly said...

I fell for the old "Cement Mixer" trick about 15 years ago. To this day I still hate Bailey's.

DJ HawaiianShirt said...

Dr. Bamboo,

What do you think it was about the martini order than pissed off the bartender so much? I find it fairly confusing... would he rather popped open a beer for you, or something?

Iric said...

Jagermeister and Grape Juice, sounds bad on paper, looks worse in a red solo cup.

Anonymous said...

I was hanging out at a friend's apartment after a long night of drinking. My friend got up to see if anybody needed a refill. I handed him my empty beer bottle and told him that I would just a have a glass of water. He came back and handed me a tall glass that looked like it had ice water in it. It wasn't. With my dulled senses I couldn't smell the vodka. It wasn't until I took a huge swallow that I realized it was a pint of vodka mixed with what I later found out was Monin Vanilla Syrup.

The Vintage Kitten said...

Moonshine......Eww! Yuck! X

Kate said...

I went to a girls' school and will never forget the big drink of senior year summer: the Skinny Bitch. Diet coke + vodka (Absolut or Grey Goose if you stole your parents', Popov if you bought it yourself). Only 70 calories, but not worth a single one. It tasted like chemicals and burned like rubbing alcohol, especially because we would mix doubles to get drunker faster.

More logical girls would shoot vodka and chase it with diet coke. But no no, vodka shots were harsh and unladylike. Sipping a Skinny Bitch was much classier.

And Pepsi & Vodka meant you were white trash.

Richard Doyle said...

I have two candidates:

1) In the worst attempt to make a real drink, a bartender served me a Manhattan made with dry vermouth. It was quite awful.

2) In the worst made-up category, when we ran out of mix, a friend of mine mixed vodka with bottled spicy thai salad dressing.

LisaRene said...

With out a doubt my worst drink was a Lemon Drop. The bartender told me it was her specialty so I figured "what the heck".

What I got was a random amount of vodka, a random amount of bottled lemon juice, random amount of Triple Sec and (this is the real horror) two, yes 2 packets of sugar added to the shaker. My teeth were already starting to ache. The "drink" was then shaken with ice and poured into a cocktail glass with a good 1" sugar rim. Gross, gross, gross, totally undrinkable.

The Lemon Drop may be a girly drink but you can still make it properly and with dignity. Here is how I make mine:

3 oz Kettle One or Three Olives vodka
1 ½ oz fresh squeezed lemon juice
½ oz Cointreau or Limoncello
2 tsp simple syrup

Shaken over ice and strained into a sugar rimmed martin glass.

Anonymous said...

OMG this is funny stuff.
1. We were in our teens and my parents were out of town. I got the bright idea to mix Jim Beam, creme de cacao and LEMONADE in a punchbowl. I drank it in one nasty, sloshing gulp. The only thing worse than the taste was the worst hangover I've ever had. To put that in context...I've been in restaurants for 25 years...after that night.
2. My 22nd birthday at the Distillery at Ohio State. Vulcan Mind Probe. It's 151 rum and Ouzo mixed into a shot. The worst tasting napalm you will ever have in your mouth.

Anonymous said...

I was having a dinner party and ran out of most of my booze, so I mixed up a punch of half a bottle of Bacardi, a 2 litre of diet coke and, a bottle of Cherry Robitussen. Called it "Cherry Coke Y'All." Disgusting.

Angela said...

Prairie Fire....tequila + hot-sauce = burning barf

Anonymous said...

I once went to a restaurant and had an incorrectly made grasshopper martini.

Some other liquor was used that wasn't vodka and the drink congealed and turned to a green/brown cottage cheese consistency. Needless to say I called another waiter over and had it remade right!

Anonymous said...

I know this is very late to the party, so to speak, but I had to contribute my only "intentional" cocktail.

As a Browncoat (Firefly TV series fan), I felt obligated to serve Mudder's Milk, a nasty concoction served in a seedy dive on a lonesome planet where everyone harvests mud for high quality ceramics. The drink was supposedly a completely nutritionally balanced meal with a kick. (Un)fortunately for us, a nutritionist, also a Browncoat, came up with a recipe that *might* simulate the nutritional specs laid out in that episode:

Guiness
Grain alcohol
Brewer's yeast
Wheat germ

As you can probably guess, it was nasty. So very very nasty. To "improve" this liquid atrocity, we added Hershey's syrup. That took away the initial burn, but did nothing to quell the yeast and germ chunks. I suppose if you're an indentured slave on a backwater planet, you'll drink damn near anything...